My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
