hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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