he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
