dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
