Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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