I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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