I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
