Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
