see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
