trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Alive.
So much puke
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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