But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
