I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
