; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
