I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
