This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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