That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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