my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
