he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
