I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
