In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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