OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
