she kept yelling 'call me bella'
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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