if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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