There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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