I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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