I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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