So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
