I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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