mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My ATM looks so different sober.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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