Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
