i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
