sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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