did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
