i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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