Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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