if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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