I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is it because I queefed?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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