So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
send nudes
from the living room?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
