I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
