My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
