i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
