oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
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She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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