Your face is a jimmy john
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
