But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
