You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
