I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This is not my ceiling
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
