So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
