i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
