I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dick very happy bro
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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