so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
