Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
