This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
