I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
