i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
