i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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