we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
