worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
