watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
