I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
