I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
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Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize