JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
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only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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