the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
