I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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