i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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