Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
