I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
