At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
